Book Excerpt: Getting the Most out of Getting Triggered
As Unpleasant as it is, Getting Triggered can be a Great Source of Insight and Understanding

Published: 8/15/2021

by Nick Oredson

​​​

Introduction

Not all upset is trauma driven – some events are perfectly upsetting in the current moment for very straightforward reasons. However, if we find ourselves much more upset than the situation seems to warrant this can be a clue that something has touched on our past. Getting to the core of it can be a challenge, however, because when we feel more upset than seems justified in the situation, a strong internal voice can comes up and say: "You are making way to big a deal out of this – its not that bad – just get over it and move on". If we can get past the initial impulse to shut the process down and suppress our feelings, there can be a great opportunity to get some insight – especially in the situations where our feelings seem out of proportion with the situation. This article provides a list of prompts designed to help us stay aware when we get triggered and pay close attention during our moments of upset – viewing these incidents as potentially powerful sources of self-awareness.

 

Below are some questions to ask if the level of upset feels out of proportion with the events of a situation:

 

     1. Where in your body are you feeling the feelings?

 

     2. Do you get a sense that a younger part of yourself has been triggered by this situation?

 

     3. Can you describe the feelings? What words come up when you think about the feelings? Is there         a story connected to the feelings?

​

 

     4. What actually happened in the situation that upset you? What is the data of the situation                 outside of the feelings? (ie Who did what? Who said what?). Note: This is the step where it is                 extra important to avoid justify your feelings – just describe them.

 

      5. Are the feelings reminding you of other events in your life? Familiar patterns? Do you end up            feeling this way often? What are other circumstances that have led to feeling this way in the               past? When is the first time you remember feeling this way?

 

 

     6. Are there themes involved? Possible themes are:

• Abandonment issues.

• Trust issues.

• “This is how the world is”

• “People are inherently bad”

• “I’ll never get what I want”

• “It was too good to be true”

• “I should have never trusted that person”

• “I should know better”

• “The world is a tough place”

• “My feelings don’t matter anyway”

• “What was I expecting?”

• “My needs don’t matter”

​

 

     7. Is there a sense of anything shifting inside of me? If so, from where to where?

 

 

     8. Are there any memories coming up connected to these feelings? What are they?

 

     10. Are you aware of any adult voices involved in this situation telling me to do anything or feel a           certain way about what is going on? Are there adult voices activated that are either supportive or            unsupportive of me in this situation?

 

Separating out the 4 components of upset:

1. The here and now piece. Some things are really upsetting because they are upsetting now. It is usually best to look at the here and now piece first.

2. The kid piece. Sometimes our younger self gets activated and needs a certain kind of attention.

3. The Adult piece. What is our adult take on this situation? What does the adult in us know about this situation? It is usually helpful to separate out the adult piece from the younger self piece and honor both.

4. The trauma piece. Is this event connecting to our trauma? If so how?

​

 

​Other Questions to Ask

• Did this touch on more than one aspect of our trauma?

• Are we trying to silence any part of ourselves around this situation?

• Is one part of us attempting to silence another part of us?

• Are any of our wounds involved in this situation?

• Is there an opportunity for healing in this situation?

• Who needs special attention and what do they need?

• Does anyone need reassurance? compassion? to be heard?

​

 

Summary of the steps

1. Understand and honor all the parts of ourselves that are activated.

2. Work to differentiate all the parts and understand what part belongs to what aspect

3. Work towards taking action around what our adult self knows to be true while at the same time honoring all of the other aspects of how we are feeling.

​

Comments?  Questions?   I would love to hear from you!

​

nick@nickoredson.com

​

​

​

​

​

​

​